Gods strength through Deployment

Throughout my life as a Christian (which has been about 4 years) we’ve had numerous situations where we had to completely depend on God. From wondering how we will pay all our bills one week, to death, to learning to forgive people in rough situations, He always is there. He always provides.

The biggest event in while I needed to fully lean on God was last year, when Jordan (my husband) was deployed.
It took awhile to talk with people about what was going on, and to ask people for help with our 2 (at the time) boys.
I wanted to be the army wife/mom that had it all together. Whenever anyone asked, I would have my smile on, and tell them that I was doing good. Then, I would have breakdowns at home, usually after the kids were in bed.
It was a hard year.

Answering the boys questions to where daddy was, and when was he coming home was hard.
Not hearing from Jordan for weeks was hard.
Being on skype with him and hearing bombs before him loosing connection was extremely hard.

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God had a plan through it all. He gave me a home community group of great, supportive people from our church that I met with weekly. They knew I wasn’t “doing good”, and would pray for me, encourage me, and help with the kids. God gave me an awesome christian military wife whose husband was deployed too. We could share our stories, frustrations, concerns, and fears with each other, and would understand what each other were going through. We went talked weekly, and God showed me that he give me strength.

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Jordan skyped me one day, and told me a story of his day. He basically said he was suppose to go to a meeting, the car broke down, he got lost, when he finally got there, the meeting had moved.  He said he was furious with the whole situation, but went to where the new meeting was suppose to be, and it ended up being cancelled. But, when he was about to leave, a guy came up to him and said he was a part of a bible study with a group of guys, and asked Jordan if he wanted to participate with them. God leads us where he wants us to go. Sometimes we just have to take the steps, even if we can’t see whats in front of us.

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Through this year, my relationship with God grew tremendously. I couldn’t have gotten through it alone, and He knew that. He put a desire in my heart to read His word, a great group of Christians to speak truth in my life daily, and amazing in-laws that reminded me that I wasn’t alone. Although it was an extremely hard year, Jordan and I both grew, in our relationship with God, and our relationship with each other!

.  c

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Commit to be fit!

I’ve seen photos, on Instagram, Magazines, etc, and thought “I want to look like that!” or “I want to be able to do that!”

Post baby #3, I feel like I’ve had a more challenging time getting the baby weight off. My husband insists that I go through this ‘phase’ of being unhappy with myself, and feeling like I’m not making progress after each pregnancy. Since he told me this, I went out to prove  him wrong. (Naturally, right?) Flipping through photos of times after all my boys were born, I slowly started remembering that I didn’t want to be in photos. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit. My phone, camera, and our photo albums are filled with happy, smiling babies, and proud siblings, but none of my postpartum physique.

Some of the photos I did find:

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Believe it or not, I found these photos super encouraging. This was 1.5 years after baby #2.
I had not started working out until a few months before my sons 1st birthday,which was when my husband deployed. This was my progress in the year he was gone.
For me, it’s more encouraging and motivating to see myself in this shape. It reminds me that I can do it. I can get back to being fit, flexible, and feel better about myself. Could I get in better shape than this- Of course! But instead of having my goals set on how other people look and what other people can do, I’m challenging myself to get back to where I was.
I know I can do it. I’ve done it before.
I’m more motivated now, and have been reminded (although Jordan reminds me whenever I complain..) that my goals are obtainable, but they don’t happen over night.
It takes hard work, consistency, and determination.

I’m committed. Are you?

Struggles of a SAHM

Being a stay at home mom is hard. There are some days when I wake up and am already stressed, counting down the hours to nap times.  Trying to balance household chores with a very curious 5 year old (Carter), an almost potty trained, talkative almost-3-year old (Jesse), and a teething 4 month old(Zachary) gets overwhelming.

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It’s sometimes my first reaction to get stressed about everything there is to do, and to get annoyed with all the arguing.  But then there are moments that melt my heart:

Snuggling Jesse when he’s sick.

Carter telling me “I’m so glad you’re here!”

Overhearing Carter and Jesse talking to each other about how God is in their hearts.

Zachary smiling at me when I walk into a room.

There are times of stress, being overwhelmed, frustrated, and incapable. You get through the morning, through the day, the week, the month, the year, and looking back you don’t remember the small, daily struggles and stresses of life.

Being a stay at home mom to three boys means my days are filled with dirt, legos, GI-joes, swords, scraped knees, and constant penis talk. I’ve decided I am going to (try to) embrace every moment of it with a happy, grace-filled heart, and make everlasting memories with my boys.

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After all, I can’t believe I already have a 5 year old!
It seems like they were all just babies.

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Be a light…

My dad made a choice that would ultimately affect his friends, and family for the  rest of their lives.  Many question will never be answered.  Six years ago, I lost my dad to suicide.  I remember the exact moment I got the phone call. I was on a trip with my husbands family, celebrating. Celebrating one of his brothers graduation from a part of the Navy, and a birthday. Being newlyweds, it was my first time meeting them all.

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I remember answering the phone, hearing the news, and I couldn’t breathe. I dropped the phone and fell to the ground. Thankfully, my husband had come outside with me, and helped me through it. He helped me book the ticket back home. He helped me at the funeral. He has helped me cope, to get through the anger, confusion, disappointment, and has pointed me to the cross.

God has a plan, it’s just not always our plan.

I have been able to let go of the anger, and the hurt. I still have sad days. Having him miss out on seeing and knowing my three boys is hard. Having him miss out on the other two grandsons, is hard.  Watching my sister get married, was very exciting, but also hard. He’s missing out on our lives, because of ending his own.

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I find it so important to help get awareness out there. My sister does an “Out of the Darkness” walk every year. Her link is here:
http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=588766

I’m doing the walk in Oregon, my link is here:
http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=590201

Lets help raise awareness.  Lets make resources available to help someone. Lets be the light in the dark world.

*In memory of Charlie Shultz*

Body after baby

Before and after baby #1, I didn’t have to do anything really to stay (and return) back to my “normal” size. I wasn’t that into eating healthy, or fitness and was just naturally small.When I was 16 weeks pregnant with baby #2 I ran my first 10k, and after he was born picked up crossfit. I worked hard while my husband was deployed (really just because I needed to have an insanely packed schedule) to get into shape.

It’s now been four months after baby #3, and I feel like getting back into shape is so far away. I’ve been taking cycling, lifting weights again, doing some running, and try to do 2-3 days a week of yoga.  I’ve been eating much healthier (mostly clean), and keeping a journal of what I’m eating through out the day. Yet, I can only fit into two of my pre-pregnancy pants (the “fat day” pants!) and this tummy is not going away.
My husband says that I worried about it, and said the same things after baby #2. He reminds me that it takes time, and that I am making progress regardless of whether it’s as quickly as I want.

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The photo on the right was 37 weeks pregnant, and the photo on the left was 6 weeks postpartum)

I know that I’m making progress, it’s just not as quickly as I was hoping. And , I guess I have an unrealistic dream of jumping right back into one of my twenty pairs of size 2 jeans before leaving the hospital with my little newborn bundle of joy. I just stick to it everyday. Keep eating healthy,and keep working hard.  I signed up for my second tough mudder at the end of September, so although one of my final goals is to get back into all my pre-pregnancy clothes, it’s important to me to build strength and endurance before this race.

I’ve found that taking measurements of myself monthly help with my motivation!
Any moms have other helpful motivation tips/tricks??

Mom of Boys

So far this morning (in the last 4 hours…) I’ve been spit up on, twice. I’ve been interrupted 5 times during yoga to be the referee, I’ve reminded my middle son to ‘go potty, and keep his undies dry’ 8 times, and I’ve made the older boys a breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and strawberry to be told “Mom, I wanted cherrios.”….. which led me to this post.

My days are filled with legos, ninja turtles,  power rangers, non-stop competitions and wrestling matches, more dirt and bug than I could have imagined.

My days are filled with me repeating: “Get your hands out of your pants”, “please stop rough housing, someone will get hurt”, and “Is that having a nice heart?”

My days are also filled with questions such as: “Why do I have to share with my brother”, “Why can’t I eat this?”, “Can you help me get this cape and mask on”, and  “where is God”.

This has recently made me more aware that I’m not only trying to raise three boys who are respectful, who want to share with their brothers (and others) and who are somewhat clean looking for more that the first 2 minutes of the day…. but three boys who will be someones husband. Three boys who will (hopefully) be the head of the house, with the responsibility of leading their family closer to Christ.

So, in my frustration… I try to be more patient.
And, in my stress…I try to smile. (Usually after spending hours in the gym)

Not your average “Mommy Blog”

So, why a blog?
Well, I’m a real mom, with real struggles, real ideas, and real goals. I try to balance life as a SAHM to three energetic, boys 5 and under, getting more physically fit, keeping our new home from looking like a bomb exploded (even through renovations!) and stick to clean eating… all while trying to consume enough Starbucks macchiatos to keep me awake. I want to remember every bit of my parenthood journey, and my fitness journey. I want to share different strengths and struggles with you. Also, the input from readers is helpful, and motivating! Enjoy….!